Hera's medbay

[explosive_artist]

Kanan ran ahead when they returned, once they got Fenn Rau in custody and handed off to Commander Sato's men. Sabine followed a little slower, both to give them some alone time to reunite and to give herself some time to calm her nerves. It was okay, they finished the mission, captured a valuable hostage, and didn't lose anyone else.

Then why did was a worm of doubt gnawing at her heart?

Once at the medbay, she chimed the door just to make sure she didn't walk in on anything she didn't want to see.

Comments

[explosive_artist]

Sabine looks over at Kanan to see his reaction before turning back to Hera. She takes a steadying breath. Hera is likely not going to like this next part.

"There's one more thing. I know we've been a crew and that is changing now. I just...we're more formal and almost a military unit now. I need to be clear that I am not certain I can follow an order to leave you behind again. I wanted you to know and I understand this puts you in an awkward position as a captain, especially when we are working with a wing and with those who have not been part of our crew. If you need me to work another wing or not be in any wing you command, I understand."

[notallofus]

"You do the best you can, Sabine," Kanan says, giving a quick look to Hera. "I made the same promise, once, to leave her behind. There may come a time when we need to, but -- that's always going to be a choice."

It's one Hera has to make every day, too. For so many more people.

[for_everyone]

Hera's eyes flicker, from Sabine to Kanan, and then back again.

"I can try to help you avoid it," she says, the words coming slowly. "But I can't promise you that you'll never have to leave someone behind, Sabine. Whether it's on my order, or a choice you face yourself. That's a part of war."

She takes another deep breath, straining slightly with it. "There's plenty I regret about this mission, but - I had to draw their fire to get you two out of there. You're a great pilot, but I was the one who could do that. I don't regret what I did there."

[explosive_artist]

She breaths in again, more relaxed this time. She really wants to serve with Hera and Kanan, to continue to be part of the Ghost crew even if they've become part of the Phoenix squadron, but a commanding officer needed her unit to follow orders without question. Admitting she might not be able to follow orders would have given any commander clear rights to dismiss her, at worst, or keep her from active duty, at best.

"I do understand that, and I am working on accepting it. I do promise to not undermine your authority with the other pilots if I have a doubt about your orders. I....it was just hard...I'm not ready to lose you, Kanan, or any of us. I know we're at war, and the chance is always there, but I'm not going to help it to happen."

[notallofus]

"You're not alone in feeling that way, Sabine," Kanan says.

"But I think we all know what we've pledged ourselves to, here. What cost we're prepared to bear."

And maybe a little more than that.

"It's not a decision anyone makes just once."

[for_everyone]

"Anyone we lose here won't be the first family we've lost to the Empire," Hera says quietly.

"Not for any of us."

[explosive_artist]

A harsh truth but one she'll have to learn to live with.

"Doesn't mean I'm going to not do everything I can to keep it from happening again." She takes another breath. "But you're right."